Let’s get clear on what a dating and relationship hiatus is: It’s basically putting your romantic activities on pause so that you can take time to not only break a pattern but to also get to know you, so that when you do re-open your romantic doors, that you are coming from a healthier place.

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If you’re a regular reader, you probably knew that I was on the CBS Early Show in July. We wrote two new profile essays that were unique, funny and confident.

Appearing with me was one of my all-time favorite clients, Tom Pandolfo. We renamed him “Look Ma No Hair.” And we watched as his in-box filled up with interested women.

Now just so we’re clear, dating and relationship hiatuses tend to be 3-6 months, sometimes longer and they are an in your future. You can let go of all the bullshit, get a clear head and some perspective so you can own your own and let others own theirs instead of taking ownership of other people’s feelings and behaviour, plus you can be free of the burden that many people give themselves of either waiting to be chosen by someone or being a performing seal and trying to convince and convert.

After your ‘detox’, you can re-enter the dating world bright-eyed and bushy tailed, as well as personally secure because if you commit to your decision, you will also be far less likely to accept crumbs in future because you’ll have been a responsible provider and supporter of you – why would you accept less than what you can already do for yourself?

Some people can barely go a week without collecting attention somewhere – it’s no wonder it feels as if our lives are collapsing when we experience disappointment if we’re that afraid of being in our own company.

What we forget though, is that there’s no such thing as a choice without an opportunity cost, but also that if we effectively make a choice on the basis of getting something that requires that we make another choice that we will not be able to attain that something without making the uncomfortable but very necessary choice.

You’ll want someone that There are a hell of a lot of positives to taking a hiatus and yet, so many of us are resistant to taking time out because we’re afraid of the opportunity cost, namely that if we take time out, it’s going to cost us the opportunity of the relationship we want.

We also don’t see the wood for the trees because not only would we rather engage in the relationship insanity of carrying the same baggage, beliefs, and behaviours, while choosing variations of the same people and then expecting different results, but we’re acting as if we cannot afford to spend around weeks of our lives to focus on ourselves.

Personally, I have had breakups where I pretty much went cold. I wanted her to be OK, I wanted good things for her in life, but I knew that nothing was going to make the situation better.