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To sum the conflict in very, very broad strokes: parents argue that autistic adults cannot possibly understand the struggles they're facing when raising an autistic child, and parents also feel a stranger, even one with a similar neurology, can't possibly know what's best for their child.On the other side, autistic adults feel marginalized, hurt, and angry about being the subject of such attacks, they rankle at being told they need to be "cured," and they argue that they can indeed offer insights into what might be best for autistic children, even if they've never met them.
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Dear Amy: I was snooping in my son’s basement and discovered he is growing weed. He could lose his job, house, reputation and shared custody of his daughter. Unless he has a sophisticated commercial marijuana ranch down there, you should assume this is for his own use, and leave it alone.
I am a nervous wreck thinking about how to approach him. If you absolutely cannot stand it and must confront him about this, you will have to tell him the truth about your own behavior.
LW: One issue is that we seem to forget that we all have the same goal—happy kids who grow up to be fulfilled adults—but we approach the way to get there differently.
Autistic adults feel like the typical parent just can't understand what it's like to grow up on the spectrum, and the parents feel like these strangers can't possibly know the child like the parent does.
There are many online chat rooms where you can join and ask for help.
Attend meetings and find out what others have done.
With that in mind, I was thrilled when Lydia Wayman, an autistic writer, speaker, and advocate, reached out to me, hoping we could bridge some of the distance between adults on the spectrum and parents to autistic kids.