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My point in all of this is that if you withdraw, you will most likely get him to put in more effort, but that will only take you so far.

Ultimately, if you want a relationship to be as you want it to be, you need to be true to what you really want.

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I’m not looking for that and when that starts coming up, I scale my presence in her life back considerably – I don’t want things to turn into a relationship and therefore I withdraw. I’ve pushed her away and now I’m going to lose her. my goal being that I’d like to return to “stasis” – that perfect sweet spot of comfortable company and sexual satisfaction without having to tie myself down to any relationship.